Was it love?

I once had a friend. A friend I could talk to for hours and still not enough hours. I try to convince myself that I did the right thing. But why do I feel sad?

I’m lonely. I keep going back to when we used to talk. I willingly lost something precious. I should’ve cherished it . The thing I regret the most, not being honest.

Some words were left unsaid, unspoken, unheard. I should’ve been more brave. The aching pain in my chest is my punishment.

Every night I wish I still had you. You were very dear to my heart, but you never knew.

Im just a child! What have I done? Will I ever forget you? did we share the same feelings? Or it was only me.

You tell me, was it love? Did we miss its?

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من القطار السريع الي السبنسة

بقالي مده حاسه اني في سباق مش ظاهر له خط نهاية ، اجري و نفسي يتقطع واقع واقوم واجري من تاني، بدات انفاسي تقصر و قوتي تنهار احد ما وقعت ماقدرتش اقوم، وهنا بدأت افكر هو انا ليه بجري؟ و بسابق مين؟

كان لابد اني افكر واعصر دماغي لحد ما افهم ، ليه حكمت علي نفسي بسباق يمكن انا مش قده؟ او يمكن لسه مش وقته؟ ليه وانا اللي طول عمري بتأني و بفكر كتير قبل ما اتصرف،

قررت اتمشي براحتي و القط انفاسي ، لسه الطريق طويل، وقتها اتذكرت قطر السبنسة، علي قد ما كان بطئ لكنه ما كلفش اللي سايقه مجهود كبير ، لازم اخد وقتي

حبيت كل ليلة اشوف فيلم ابيض واسود وكأني بجبر الوقت من حواليا اني يبطئ ، و حبة حبة دماغي هتاخد علي سرعه السبنسه

ايه اللي حصل؟

في يوم وليله اتبدلت حياتي ١٨٠ درجة ، مكنتش بفكر غير في مستقبلي و حياتي و هاعمل ايه بعد كده ، دلوقتي حياتي اصلا مش في الحسبان ، مستعده اضحي بكل شيئ عشان بس اشوفها بصحتها من تاني ، انا تعبت من الخوف والقلق والمسئولية اللي فوق كتافي ، دايما شايله الهم وخايفه في يوم اقصر ، شهور علي دا الحال ، لساني مابطلش الدعاء ولا عنيا خلصت دموع، قلبي بيتعصر مع كل مره اشوفها بتتالم ، بعد ما كان مافيش حاجة تقف قصادها ، مصدر قوتي الوحيد في الحياه بيضعف قدامي وانا بضعف معاه،انا شايله ده كله بطولي وماينفعش اشتكي ولا احكي ، كان نفسي مكونش وحيده بالشكل ده ، كان نفسي مكنش بشتغل ولا مربوطه بمسئولية تانيه ، يارب هونها عليا

11 reasons why I don’t fit in this dof3a:

People of Teb Tanta, Our journey is coming to its end! its finally time when I should be open to all of you and share my secret. During the past 5 years there hasn’t been a single moment where I could say ” hey its my dof3a!” I’ve always felt like an outer whereas people could easily merge into one unit under the number 56! needless to say, picture day was the most hurtful day of the year!

I’ve always believed that  one must create their spot with all means, and mark it to the whole world ( not really the whole world but teb tanta ) but  i couldn’t do it! Lord, it was trying too hard to maintain my spot, but eventually Im left behind in outer space.

so i’ve summarized up a list of reasons that led to this;

1; I have no talent! My dof3a is basically a bunch of talented people. every one can draw!

2; I despise el-kobry! who ever listed it as a meeting point was totally wrong!

3; I hate coffee! Tea is my favorite beverage. and if im a little sleepy I’ll just sleep, knowledge isnt going anywhere.

4; I bring home-made sandwiches everyday.

5; I dont like being photographed! I cant even pose in public. all my photos looks like as if I was photoshoped in my own album. saying cheese every time isnt that effective.

6; I love lectures! no matter who much I benefit. you go to uni, you attend lectures. its typical .

7; kotob el kolya are sacred! hell, I’ve wasted my money on freaking useless paper! I just cant get rid of “get these books immediately” voice in my head.

8; I cant easily memorize names! its new every year and I try my best not to get caught.

9; Poll on Facebook group? what? okay. I hardly read it. and when I do, I cant interpret it.

10; Jogging not walking! why can’t people walk faster?

11; I didnt join a club! extracurricular activities  arent just for me. I prefer solitary activities .

Why 11 reasons ? because “13 reasons” is too mainstream.I still hope I would fit in my dof3a. we shared a lot of memories and we still have one year to go. long live eldof3a!

 

 

 

Life of a Medical Student

I remember that one test, 1st year, anatomy practical exam, where I could never spot anyone I know and it was so lonely and scary actually. out of nowhere, right next to me, I saw someone familiar. Hallelujah! that was unexpected and truly beautiful. of course it was for a few moments becuase the witch had to say “CHANGE” but the thing is, if it wasnt for that brief moment in time, It could have been a serious mess . the point is sometimes you gotta admit you can not do it alone. My savior, wherever you are, thank you.

It has been 4 years, Im still that scared little lamb when it comes to exams. I wonder how many exams I need to take before I become that fearless little lamb. obviously, there is no such thing as “fearless little lamb” . its so frustrating knowing you’ve done your best and your best is not simply enough! seriously med. school is a mental breakdown machine. I have a lot of supporting friends and its utterly morbid. we spend most of our times preparing for exams or recovering from a humilating experience  in oral exams . Lord! we need Help. I cant help but imagine how my life would have been like if I hadn’t  chose med school .

I’m welling to learn anything form anyone at any time.  you know what I learnt in med school besides medicine of course? tons of unpleasent things! like, stereotypes and kinda sacred and can’t casually say no to whatever category people puched you in. another thing, open-mindess is a myth, it doesn’t really exist inside the walls of campus . one last thing, you gotta leave your pride at home unless you have a super powerfull pride-protector. or just get used to it becuase that’s the last concern of most people.

A word of gratitude to the few number of professors who enormously helped me surviving this. I remember it vividly! I remember every time a professor treated me with dignity and respect.

Can you define speechless? yea! its like staring at Van Gogh’s Starry night and you’re speechless! becuase its beautiful beyond limits. Bravo! that’s not the definiting of speechless in oral exams. you become literally speechless. there’s a Cicadas’ orchestra performing in your mind and you gotta listen to the sweet familiar sound of summer! its one of the most devastating experience in the wrold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When did I become invisible  on social media?  

I used to get a bit of likes and retweets not so long ago. It felt great to see those tiny red boxes every time I log in. I dont know what exactly happened but, today when I post anything I get -zero exaggeration- zero likes. I mean only my closefriends would react to my posts in a supportive way. So i’ve be thinking of possible reasons and came up with a very interesting list:

  1. Time loop; I keep refreshing the page many times till I accidentally  send  posts and tweets to  a time loop where no one could see them.
  2. Only me theory ; I always forget to change privacy sittings before posting . Actually I never use only-me option but that thought helps me sleep at night.
  3. The fault in our mouses; people keep scrolling and at some point it slides fast and they miss my tweets.
  4. Conspiracy theory ; some one out there hates the idea of me being  famous and they block any likes because they are of course hackers . Hackers can do anything.
  5. Censorship ; in case you didn’t buy the conspiracy theory .

Well, I could have thought of a less sarcastic list but sarcasm is a lifestyle! Anyway, it was extremely hard to admit it.

I can’t spot the time when I lost interest but I’m grateful to whatever reason made me invisible on social media. Reality is rather boring I know ,however, you can’t always control what’t happening and that’s the fun part. On the other hand, we desperately try to show our best side on social media. That’s how I learnt not to judge people behind the screen.

A Fellow or A Foe ? 

Every day we meet different people and wonder wheather they are going to be our friends or enemies or the relatioship will just remain superficiall till the end.  I think every person comes into our lives will leave a mark which  is more meaningful than that on Harry Potter’s forehead .Isn’t it awefully interesting to get involved with every individual in the universe? This idea will indeed make some freak out but I assure you that’s practically impossible.

Sometimes a brief conversation with the one sitting next to you on the bus helps you survive the day! Even that certain person you cant stand affects your personality in away far from your imagination.     That one might unintentionally keep empowering you so that you can make risky decisions with less or no fear. Another kind of fellows is  that one who introduces you to a whole new world, a wolrd you knew of its existence but never had the courage to explore.  Whether you enjoyed the journey or not yet,  you did experienced something new and that itself is priceless. You may meet someone who will dramatically change your life. That sort of mutation will help you manage your life more efficiently!  Somebody might inspire you to come up with brightest idea you have ever had. A child on the street may be the reason why you took a new path in life. Its all meant to happen as every thing happens for a reason. People you meet only once in your life yet, you cant help but feel grateful.